In A Rut

I am in a rut. I feel like everyday is the same and all the days are just running into one another. It feels like I am in the movie "Groundhog Day". I'll never forget going to see this movie with my friend Bridgett at the theater and she kept falling asleep. Everytime she would wake up, the same thing would be on the screen! I am having a hard time finding my joy. I love my husband and kids, but this responsibility bullshit is really taking a toll on me. My house is a complete and total wreck and I cannot find the motivation to get it in order. Everyday I can manage to do laundry and dishes, but we have piles of shit everywhere and I just can't make myself do anything about it because when I do, it seems to just turn into more piles. I am stressed about finances, but choosing to bury my head in the sand. I am sick and tired of being the only one in this house who knows anything about anything. I love Darrell with all my heart, but I feel like we are in a relationship rut too, and I don't know what to do about it. He thinks if he tells me how much he loves me and how committed he is to me, then that is good for our relationship. Well, it is, but that is what I already know...show me something different.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm tired of my life, and I don't like the way that sounds. Right now I just feel like running away, temporarily. I just need a break.

Another part of my problem is my mother's mother. I would call her my grandmother, but that is somewhat a term of endearment and I have decided I hate that bitch. Don't judge me. It's a fact. She is ruining my parents' lives and for some odd reason my mother is letting her. She can't take care of herself (partly just because she won't) and she completely manipulates my mother. She's too poor to afford a nursing home, but brings in just enough not to qualify for medicaid. Had I been smart enough to realize a couple of years ago that she would have qualified for medicaid, I would have suggested it then. I didn't understand the whole medicare/medicaid setup. I try giving my mother advice, but she doesn't listen. I have told her how I feel about her mother. I don't understand why she just can't die already. This same shit has been going on for over 5 years now. Her mother is C.R.A.Z.Y. I worry daily about my mom and the effect all of this is having on her. I also selfishly worry about me and the fact that I want my mom and I can't have her. I wish I could just have some peace about all of this so that I can get past it. I have tried, but it just doesn't seem to to be working. There is only one solution, and I am not in charge of that.